Remaining childless – not by choice could be one of the most heart breaking maladies of the modern day married couples. I myself have been such an unfortunate person who had to cross that dreaded bridge to reach the greener pastures of motherhood on the other side.
To give a little background, I was a 19 year old smart, intelligent girl when I got married into the most orthodox family in this age and time. You may be wondering why and how I got married at such an early age. The typical lower middle class mentality of my working parents did not allow them to send me out of my hometown for higher studies fearing the worst. For them it is considered safer to get the daughter married off to a complete stranger, than to make her independent by letting her achieve the goals in life. The more qualified the daughter is, the more difficult it will be to get a suitable groom.
So it is fair enough to say that because of my parents’ conservative parenting style, I felt a strong desire to reform the world, be a part of the change revolution and make the next generation better with a liberal upbringing. I had decided early on in my teen years itself that when I get married, I was going to be a stay at home mom giving undivided attention to my children by letting them do what their hearts desire not differentiating between a boy and a girl. I also strongly felt that I should definitely adopt a girl child even if I have my own kids. The seed for Adoption had been laid in my heart long before my marriage, but never in my wildest dreams I imagined that it would be my only resort.
To say that in my haste, I had jumped into a well to escape the lion would not be an exaggeration. My dreams were shattered completely after learning the extremely regressive lifestyle of the elders in the family. There was no way that they would have been open to the idea of adoption if we had a biological child from our marriage. Then how would I be able to become “the new woman” breaking all the shackles put by the society as envisioned by poet Bharathiyaar. I was not a liberal feminist in heart, but just wished to be one.
I think God had the answer to that problem. For some unknown reason, I couldn’t get pregnant at all. And thus the waiting and misery began. Months became years, but it was not happening at all. More than the daunting questions from others, what bothered me the most was how my cherished dream of bringing up children with reformed ideas was not materializing. After 8 years of marriage, my own orthodox family started hinting that may be it is time to consider other alternatives as we should not be without any heir. I felt that this change of heart was made possible only because of the interference of God. We started the adoption paper work soon after this, which was a strenuous process in itself. The agency had to do a detailed study about us, our family and our backgrounds to ensure that we would be able to support a child in need and bring it up in a very positive environment. We were very lucky to find a 2 months old girl baby who was in need of lovely parents. After completing the legal formalities, we got her home and named her “******” meaning marked by the Lord which was indeed true. She has brought the much needed happiness and a sense of worthiness into our empty lives which was what I was waiting for my entire life. Recently, to my utter disbelief I was also blessed with a baby boy naturally without any medical help whatsoever. Isn’t that all I was asking for from the beginning?
My trust in God has become stronger and deeper after all these events. He never lets us down. You may feel that just wishful thinking will not help us achieve any of our dreams in life. But it has been proven from my story that with enough conviction, our deep rooted desires do come true. I wish to inspire the readers that everything happens for a reason. Although it may not happen in the exact way as we wanted to receive, but in a very unconventional way with an unexpected twist in its own sweet time. Till then don’t lose heart and give hope a chance!!
(Photo Courtesy – Internet)