Imaginary “Koffee with Karan Season Finale 2016”
KJo – Welcome to an another exciting episode of “Koffee with Karan”. We are celebrating the “Joy of Gifting” week by bringing in a guest who leads a completely unglamorous and boring life to get a taste of what it is like to be a celebrity in the limelight. From the many contestants, she has been selected on the basis of an interesting answer that she gave to the question “Why should Karan invite you to have Koffee with him?” Without further ado, let’s get our guest on the couch to do what we usually do.
(I enter, shake hands, smooch and sit on the fancy couch)
KJo – Please introduce yourself as nobody knows you.
Me – Hello everyone, I am GSi (pronounced GeeCee) a housewife who is super excited to be on this show and have coffee with Karan.
KJo – GSi, Why don’t you tell them your prize winning answer to my question?
GSi – My answer was that I wanted to “Come out of the closet” in style. But let me make it clear that it is not the closet that you imagine it to be. This is a completely different one. All my life, I have been very diplomatic and now that I am in the last leg of my thirties, I want to bring out my Sassy avatar from the closet as I will be stepping into the forties soon. So please ask saucy questions like how you would ask all your guests. I am ready to Bare it all.
KJo – Wow.. Ready to be Sassy. What better platform than this to answer raunchy questions and get away with it??
GSi – Absolutely!!
KJo – Give us a brief background about yourself. Are you married?
GSi – Yes I am. When my favourite hero SRK was extending his hand to help Kajol board the train in DDLJ, I was getting married as a 19 year old to another SRK.
KJo – Shahrukh in DDLJ would have set a very high standard for your hubby. Is he a Romantic?
GSi – Yes. But only as romantic as the SRK in “My Name is Khan”
KJo – Tell us about your Love life.
GSi – Well, we were so consumed by our individual workload that we had our daughter after 8 years of marriage and a son 8 years after that. It’s been 4 years now, so we have to wait and see what else is in store.
KJo – Unbelievable.. How is it raising children with such wide age gaps?
GSi – I am an older looking young mom which has both benefits and drawbacks. I have to exhibit my energetic and upbeat side even when I don’t feel like it. It is funny how I thought if Aishwarya Rai can do it, so can I.
KJo – Seriously??
GSi – Yup.. We commoners get carried away by the things our movie stars do.
KJo – Being inspired by movie stars, were you in any other relationship before you were married?
GSi – No, I was too timid to accept the proposals that came my way.
KJo – Would you have said Yes if you had mustered some courage?
GSi – May be.
KJo – Fair enough. Did you have any crush in your younger days?
GSi – Why only Younger days?? Till date I have a major crush for many tall, fit and handsome men. Speaking of which, isn’t it time for you to bring in Arjun Kapoor?
KJo – Arjun will not be joining us today. But it is time for us to move on to the next segment which is the Rapid fire Round.
GSi – Oh no.. Arjun is not coming? I would have said Yes to all the questions just to kiss him.
KJo – I expected that and that’s why it is going to be only me.
GSi – Disappointing.. But please tell me that atleast the gift hamper is there??
KJo – Yeah, yeah..Moving on. The Rapid Fire Round.
(Break for Commercials)
KJo – Welcome back to the show, if you are still watching. I was in conversation with GSi – The Sassy Mommy. Are you ready for the Rapid Fire Round, GSi?
GSi – Bring it on Karan.
KJo – Brace yourself. Who is your Favourite Khan?
GSi – Chengis Khan. Am kidding.. It is and will always be Shahrukh Khan.
KJo – SRK is best paired with?
GSi – Gayatri.. Joshi that is. In “Swadesh”.
KJo – Which actress according to you is putting on too much make up?
GSi – All of them.
KJo – Who according to you is a natural beauty?
GSi – Me. No Filters, Photoshop or Botox. I am what you see.
KJo – According to you, which products can these actors endorse? Ranveer Singh?
GSi – Duracell batteries
KJo – SRK?
GSi – He is already doing too many.
KJo – Akshay Kumar?
GSi – A book written by Twinkle “How to train a Khilaadi”
KJo – Deepika?
GSi – Slimfast
KJo – Sonakshi?
GSi – Horlicks. You know.. Taller,sharper and stronger.
KJo – Alia?
GSi – Some chewing gum.
KJo – Karan Johar?
GSi – Babylips lip balm
KJo – Who is your 2 am friend?
GSi – Google.
KJo – What would have been your alternate career option?
GSi – With Arnab Goswami out of the picture, I can be the new voice behind “Nation wants to know”. I am very loud and the people on my lane can vouch for that.
KJo – If you were to be stranded in an island with only 3 things, what would you take?
GSi – A coffee maker, FM radio and a hammock.
KJo – If you can swap places with a different person tomorrow morning, who do you want to be?
GSi – I think I want to be swapped with my daughter to give a glimpse of my day and perspective to her. It will be like an all new “Freaky Friday”.
KJo – What is your Style statement?
GSi – Be sensible in your choice of clothes. I prefer comfort over style and my motto is “Wear it till you tear it..”
KJo – Spoken just like a simpleton. That completes our Rapid Fire Round. I have to admit that your answers were very apt and honest. You truly deserve this gift hamper. (Hands over the hamper)
GSi – Thank you Karan. I can’t wait to see what’s inside.
KJo – It is a whole month’s supply of household cleaning products. Thank you for coming in my show by fooling us about “coming out of the closet”. I thought we will have a lot of common topics to discuss. Nevertheless I had fun chatting with you. You are indeed “Sassy and Witty”.
GSi – That means a lot to me. I am truly touched. Thank you once again for this once in a lifetime opportunity.
KJo – Now that you have come on my show, I am pretty sure that this will be the beginning of your Stardom. Take care and sign this coffee mug before you leave.
(Background music fades as the curtain falls)